When stakes are high, opinions vary and emotions run strong:.Encourage Testing (what to do) (how to do it).Don’t be wimpy and do the message a disservice.I was wondering… Perhaps you were unaware… In my opinion….“Based on the facts, I am beginning to conclude…”.When you need to share controversial, touchy or unpopular views:.What do I really want for me? For others? For the relationship? What would I do right now if I really wanted these results?.Why would a reasonable, rational and decent person do what this person is doing?.Am I pretending not to notice my role in the problem?.Have I fallen out of dialogue? What emotions are making me react this way? What factual evidence do I have that supports this story? What story is creating these emotions? Retrace Your Path SEE / HEAR TELL A STORY FEEL ACT Path To Action SEE / HEAR TELL A STORY FEEL ACT Silence Cheap shots Coworker meets privately with the boss to discuss a joint project. How? In between a persons action and our reaction, we tell ourselves a story.Offensive claim Others don’t make you mad – YOU make you mad!!.Confirms your respect or clarifies your real purpose (the do part).Addresses the other’s conclusion that you don’t respect them or that you have a malicious purpose (the don’t part).Given a scenario, respond with a contrasting statement that:.Confirms your respect or clarifies your real purpose.Addresses others’ concerns that you don’t respect them or that you have a malicious purpose.Apologize (when appropriate and sincere).When Safety is at Risk When mutual purpose and or respect are at risk, it is no longer “safe” and you are no longer in dialogue! Do others believe you care about their goals?.Establish and maintain mutual purpose and respect.How would I behave if I really wanted these things?.Stay focused on your goal no matter what.“Start With the Heart” - begin with the right motives.Giving the silent treatment, running away.Hints, sarcasm, innuendo, verbal attacks, accusations.The free flow of meaning between two or more people.We act in self-defeating ways and make things worse!.We are under pressure (with a barely functioning brain).When faced with a Crucial Conversation you can do one of three things:.Talking to a coworker about a personal hygiene problem.Giving an unfavorable performance review.Talking to a team member who is not keeping commitments.Giving the boss feedback about his/her behavior.Talking to a coworker who behaves offensively.A Crucial Conversation is a discussion between two or more people where:. Authors: Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, and Al Switzer.E N D - Presentation TranscriptĬrucial Conversations Tools for Talking When Stakes are High Presented by Adena Fritz JNPMA Harbour Lights Chapter
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